Tony Snow Takes On Hunter S. Thompson Regarding the "Scooter" Libby Pardon...
Er...Pardon us, this posting is written before the full pardon of "Scooter" Libby.
Today (Tuesday, July 3, 2007) Tony Snow held a press conference with the White House Press Corps regarding the commutation (and eventual PARDONING) of "Scooter" Libby in the CIA Leak Grand Jury Investigation. We thought this press conference was (as usual for the Bush II Administration) insufficient and unsatisfying. A lot like the series finale episode of "The Sopranos".
With much love, affection and admiration, we called out our allegorical version of Hunter S. Thompson (the founder of Gonzo Journalism, no less) to take on Tony Snow and the Bush II administration's version of the commutation...
Thompson: Mr. Snow, thanks for meeting with me.
Snow: Not at all.
Thompson: You know, I've got to hand it to you, I haven't seen a corrupt administration handle the press corps quite like that since the Nixon administration.
Snow: Thanks...ummm...wait just a minute...you call this administration corrupt and compare us to the Nixon White House in just one question? That takes some nerve. Where do you get off?
Thompson: I get off on a lot of things, as you know. But, this - baby - takes the cake. This is the before-the-bloodbath of Grand Guignol of political bloodletting of White House corruption. This is Tricky Dicky Watergate, Iran-Contra, Teapot Dome, Tammany Hall, Lewinskygate, Whitewater, etc. all rolled into one. Phew, baby! Talk about Gonzo journalism! Just where the hell do you guys get off? How can you possibly defend the overt overthrow and usurpation of justice just to get off one of your crony henchman from a felony sentence? When I heard the press release, I bit my cigarette holder in two!!
Snow: Now, now, wait a minute here, here...(getting a little steamed). First, I think you are in error comparing this administration to the Nixon White House, the Reagan White House, the Clinton White House or any Democratic administration. This is democracy at work! The Executive Branch has the full constitutional right to give executive clemency to any deserving persons who have experienced a gross miscarriage of justice. That's just the face of it.
Thompson: No, I don't think that's the face of it...commutation of sentence is usually given after a prison sentence has been served...and a pardon is usually not accepted by the convicted person as it is still seen as an admission of guilt. That's not democracy at work...at least not the American version of it. If you pardon, and he accepts, he's going to look guilty. If you commute his sentence, he has to serve some time. Which is it going to be? Is he (pardoned) going to be the guilty albatross-wearing stooge covering up for a corrupt administration? Or is he going to be a commuted sentence convicted felon without serving one second of prison time - another corruption of our system of justice brought about by a corrupt administration? (Note: see our previous posting, "The Scooter Libby Trial(s) and Verdict(s)").
Snow: Well, you can't have your cake and eat it too. The guy was found guilty. He was sentenced. And he's going to pay a fine. And, yes, he does have to wear an albatross - but he is not a stooge. How is that corrupt?
Thompson: That's your version of it, Tony. It's corrupt because we all know his fees and fine(s) will be taken care of and he'll just keep his mouth shut about it and he won't do a nickel's worth of time. You're right on one thing you mentioned, you and your guys will probably wind up eating it. The Republican Party may never get elected back into the White House...as a matter of fact, they'll probably become as extinct as the Whigs or the Tories, thanks to you and yours! I think the nation might actually owe you and the Bush II administration a big debt of gratitude! You'll be swept out of office on a rail! You'll be a collection of political buggy whips!
Snow: No, I don't think so, you watch and see what happens next year...
Thompson: (Cell phone ringing). Holy creeping sh*t, it's Steadman. Look I have to take this. Can we get together later at the Owl Farm?
Snow: Love to. By the way, loved the funeral.
Thompson: (To Steadman). Yeah, yeah, hang on a f****** minute! (To Snow): Thanks, the cancer's good?
Snow: Knock wood.
